Hi everyone!
Thanks for any help you can give me, I barely know where to start this story........ because it's been very distressing.
My husband suddenly abandoned me, our life and our home last autumn - he had been seeing a psychotherapist since the spring, and he felt that he was making progress. He had been begging his GP for a referral to see a specialist in mental health for some time - I couldn't fully understand why he felt wanted to see someone except that he 'just didn't feel right' and he wasn't sick. One therapist he saw a couple of times told him to practice daily affirmations - but he felt that wasn't enough. He spoke of very black thoughts and negative thinking, and when I look back, he found daily living a struggle, and he was often a nightmare to live with because of the 'thunder clouds' he lived under.
Verbal abuse, appalling stonewalling behaviour and silent treatment towards me that could go on for weeks- and I would wait patiently, telling him how much I loved him, and trying to carry on life as normally as I could until his mood lifted.
Life was a rollercoaster to say the least. I often walked on eggshells, and I expected very little from him, and I began to feel afraid.
Since he left - there are some things that have become clearer to me - like the things I've mentioned above.
He has written to me, and in his last email he talks about feeling unworthy and his feelings of rejection around my daughter, who he felt came first. This is untrue of course, but this is how he felt and nothing I did or said could convice him otherwise. His self esteem is evidently so, so low, and it has destroyed our marriage, and him, and our relationship. He didn't have the language to explain his feelings to me, and his behaviour I knew wasn't him, but a part of him he may have had very little control over.

Has anyone any experience of any of this? I miss him terribly and would do anything to help him still - but I don't know here to turn, or what to do.
Thanks for reading