Hi, I have posted a few times here but I never told my story, not that anyone would want to hear it. I wouldn't mind hearing what someone would say to this.

I am 22 years old (male) and feel I'm at the end of my life. I really don't have any huge physical issues, or really any other big mental problems other than depression, well possibly low self-esteem. I know that life could always be worse, but every night (well mornings for me cause I work the graveyard shift) I hope and pray that I will never wake up.

I have been living with parts of my immediate family throughout my life thus far, never living totally alone, but feeling totally alone. I feel like no one will ever know who I truly am, not that I really know myself at all either, though. I don't trust myself, and I don't want to buy a gun and go to a shooting range with my brother, I know he wants to do it for fun, but if I have a gun in my hands I don't trust myself that I won't kill myself with it, and I can't tell him that.

I hate everything, sometimes I hate people, but I don't blame them, cause I believe in cause and effect and that there is always a logical explanation for everything that people do/things that happen. My user name is short for "Cogito Ergo Sum" or "I think therefore I am". I recognize the feelings that humans can get, but then I also believe that all I can truly "know" without a doubt, is that I exist. I can't even prove that anyone else is real. To me, nothing is real.

I have been quiet and shy all my life. I have heard the same things all my life, and I am sick of it. I am sick of everything and I wanna die. I can't change who I am, I have a distinct personality, I can't get out of this depression, out of my body, or out of my mind. I have never been with a girl, all I have ever done is talk to them, one girl used to hug me every day for a reason I don't know, but she was a psycho, convinced that she was the devil's child. Sometimes I think I should have gone with her, just to be with somebody, but I never did.

I never had that instinct of wanting to be something when I grew up, I never wanted to be a doctor, or firefighter, or anything. I still don't know what I'm supposed to do. The world is too difficult for me, I cannot go on. I have no will to live and I am barely surviving, having to have people take care of me. If I live alone I will let myself go, I just don't have the will to care for myself. Everything is so overwhelmingly difficult for me, I don't ever do anything except play video games but lately I've lost the interest. I can't imagine how a person could be happy, or what that is like, I don't think I've ever been happy. I feel I have nothing to offer anyone, worthless, very lonely, and like there is no point to anything. Alright. I think I'm done typing.