Hi Switch, it is really good to get this out of yourself. Do you have a therapist? I was wondering if you don't feel safe now, like you are always looking over your shoulder, and you feel safer in these unsafe situations because then then you aren't just waiting for the danger? Is the danger easier to deal with then the anticipation/looking over your shoulder?

Also, could your self worth be so low that things just feel more right in these abusive relationships?

I know from experience that when your self worth is low that it is painful to be around healthy people who treat you right. Healthy people see you and this is uncomfortable when you don't feel too good about yourself. Unhealthy people don't see you because they can't see beyond themselves so you can hid yourself with them and this feels better when you have low self worth.

I worked beyond this. I worked on my low self worth and other problems and got around healthy people and worked through my discomfort.

Finally, does having someone else in charge of you lighten your burden of having to make decisions and be responsible for yourself?

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.