I know the number you speak of, however I will have to somehow muster up the courage to call it. Some companies like to get technical and use terminology that tends to fly over my head. As for volunteering, I don't know.. I'm just not a volunteering type of person. If anything, I need people volunteering to help me. At this point in my life, I just don't have the heart to help, not when I can't help myself.

You're right, my self-esteem is pretty shot, however there are times where I feel great and my self-esteem is really high. And while a therapist is an idea worth looking into, I have trouble speaking to strangers when they will only do it for money. I need hour(s), not just an hour, to get things off my chest.

What I really feel I need, is a friend. I've never had more than 2 friends in my life at a time. The people I have befriended have always taken advantage of me, have moved on, or have found better things to do. Not only does time do a lot to my relationships, I also have interests that some people don't really see eye-to-eye with me on; I like japanese music, I love to watch old movies, and I prefer relaxing at home over going out and doing things in public. I like to be out in public, doing normal people things like shopping, just.. not every single week.