I'm sorry you're feeling so unsettled Chopin. I really feel horrible when I'm having a rupture with T, so I can imagine a bit of how you feel.

I want to say I don't hate your T, and I understand your relationship with her is really important to you.

It seems like the only reason you can't contact her is because you wrote that you wouldn't? Given how you're feeling, could you send her one more email saying you're not feeling well and you're anxious to hear from her? Would that help at all?