Bmee2 - You truly are not alone. Besides taking care of my S.O., I've worked for a number of home care agencies. I've been in so many different households where there was a family member, like yourself, taking on all the responsibilities that you describe. The word I use to describe it is RELENTLESS. When I took care of people, as a job, I could leave at a certain time, and, when I left the home, I could truly leave the cares behind me.

For a family member, there is no punching out at the time clock. You possibly even take all these cares with you when you get into bed to sleep. The person you are caring for - in your case, your mother - may feel bad watching all you do, but I don't think the dependent person really grasps the toll this takes on the caregiver. I shouldn't imagine that I know your situation, but I've seen so many of these situations, and they tend to have certain things in common.

One of those things is a lack of understanding of how the caregiver is impacted. I, myself, feel like I am not really acknowledged for what I have taken on. There are the occasional "Thank You's." Those sound kind of shallow to me. It would mean the world to me to be told by my gentleman friend (and/or by someone in his family) something along the lines of: "I realize how tough my life would be, if I didn't have you. Also, I realize how tough it is for you to keep up with giving me all the help I need. I realize it can't be easy for you, and I think I am lucky to be cared about by someone like you."

When a person gets used to depending on another person, I think there is an element of "taking things for granted" by the person needing the care. Also, other family members, who don't have to do much, take the caregiver for granted.

I hope you look into anything you might be eligible for, in terms of help. Like, maybe, respite care for your Mom to give you a break. Also, you might be eligible for some monetary compensation from Medicaid. Maybe none of this applies to you. Getting other family member to help can be like pulling a tooth. Others could help us, at least psychologically, by acknowledging what we do, but I find that never seems to happen in so many families. It can hurt quite a lot.