he used to be excluded because he was too young. i know how much it hurts to be excluded. so i'd sit with him and keep him company and hang with him. he had some really huge problems, but this was one thing i could help him with.

now it just seems woefully inadequate.

the sadness is just pervasive everywhere inside. sliding out like tendrils when i least expect it. and i try to sit with the tendril but it's attached to this huge overwhelming mountain of grief. so i push the sadness away. push him away. excluding him from myself. which feels so wrong.

how do i let the sadness come?