Neuromancer,

Thanks for the words. I think the hardest part of this situation is the fact that there is so much emotional baggage that all 3 of us are carrying. My pain of loss and feelings of betrayal, the other guy's desire to start his relationship and feelings of breaking up our marriage, my wife's guilt and feelings of being caught in the middle. It's inevitable that there will be some very trying times ahead for all of us.
My guess is my wife will be the one to leave sooner. I just don't need to make more moves than necessary and I don't think I should be the one inconvenienced. I know peace of mind is something that needs to be at the top of my list and that is why I'm trying to be as understanding as humanly possible but still letting my wife know what things make me feel uncomfortable. I know most people would get as far away from a situation like this as possible but since it isn't something I asked for or expected, I don't feel that I should be put out any more than I already have been. It's a difficult road with plenty of hazards in the way but I don't know that taking detours will get me to my destination any faster.