I went through a whole conversation with my T last week about wanting her to be angry with me. A few nights ago I had a dream that she was beating on me and I was flinching in the same way I would when I was a kid with my mom.

At first I didn't really understand why I wanted her to be angry with me, but I think my experience echoes a lot of other people's here. I wanted her to "validate," or agree with the anger I feel toward myself. It feels much more congruent to have the outside match the inside. And I wanted to project some of the anger I feel toward myself onto her, so I didn't have to carry it. And there was a repetition compulsion aspect to it too - at least I'm used to anger and know how to handle it.

In part I also have been incredulous at the idea that she might NOT be angry with me, given what I feel is "bad" behavior on my part - excessive needs for contact, excessive desires, etc. She asked what it's been like to receive her non-angry responses. I told her that they mess with my head. I think she thought in a good way, in the sense that she is providing evidence that my behaviors, feelings, and thoughts don't necessarily elicit anger in others. But after reading the shame and attachment article that was listed earlier, it makes more sense to me why it doesn't always feel good to have her react to me in a non-angry way, because it's so incongruent with my inner experience.

I still don't know what to do with all of it, but I do think it was helpful to talk with her about it. I'd encourage you to share your thoughts, SD.