When I get depressed I crave cigarettes even though I don't smoke. (I smoked for a year when I was 17 and I'm in my 30's now). I suppose I just feel like I "need something" and I am drawn to the self-harm aspect that I know is not healthy or helpful. However that was before I started antidepressants. Now the only drug I do is coffee. Sending supportive thoughts. Hope you can figure out what it is, in the long run drugs don't help (obviously).