As a person with Social Phobia most people ignore me. I take this as proof that they can tell that I am weird and inferior. I usually feel they are looking at me and thinking what a loser and a weirdo I am, and sometimes I feel they are talking about me and laughing. This gets intense when I have depressive moods but otherwise it is usually mild or absent.

I used to believe that girls ignored me because I wasn't hot enough, and that guys simply thought I was a freak. But, eventually I found out that I'm hot enough and that girls do like my looks. So since the last four years I was left unable to explain why girls were ignoring me MOST OF THE TIME, and if this has anything to do with why guys ignore me. While it felt very real, I started to wonder whether or not it was just in my head.

Over the last three years there have been about 3 incidents where random strangers pointed out how upset I looked while I was out at bars. I did look upset, because I was furious and depressed. I also had maybe 12 or 15 experiences where people were totally friendly and girls were interested in meeting me. All of these times occurred when I started out the night in an excellent (drunken) mood. It is like night and day!

This is all very confusing because it feels like it's not me and that the world is just persecuting me. I can't seem to control my behavior in a way that will make people like me. My masks don't work so I stopped wearing them, and even if I try to smile other people can sense something's wrong with me and they ignore me. It seems then that people really are ignoring me after all, it's not in my head, and the reason it's happening is because they can tell that I AM UPSET. Even when I'm only moderately anxious or mildly depressed, they can tell and they throw me in the garbage bin before I even get a chance.