Hi Tracy and All,

Only have a minute before I have to run out the door to work........ this thread really hit home with me...... felt very compelled to write.

Tracy-- I feel for your partner .... a parent favoring one child over any other is so so wrong. I went through that also and to this day feel unworthy of anyone's positive/loving attention. I think trying to understand the perpetrator (in your man's case and mine-- being the mother)-- can be an avenue towards healing.

I have carried this with me for years--- that --- my mother neglected me.... I felt as important as the rug outside the door --- I have struggled with the thought that if one's own mother doesn't love you then--- one must be unlovable.

To look at her shortcomings and try to see the reason she did this to me-- (in my case -- I was too quiet and reserved....... she only liked her loud/rebellious-- hurt them before they hurt me-- type children)-- in therapy, I've been learning where my mother was coming from-- her insecurities--- it has helped me to see that it was her past and her short comings that I was treated in such a way------ in understanding that it was HER and not ME--- that is helping me to heal. (ever so slowly though )

So, I believe it might help for your partner to hear that he is lovable and that his mother was the one with the problem--- NOT him. (the problem most likely being, that she had a past hurt that never healed) Of course being careful not to offend him when talking about his mother.

I hope he understands what a great person he must be to not have taken it out on women as a whole---- I believe many that were abused do that--- "one bad apple means all the apples are rotten_--- your partner didn't do that--- I commend him for that-- sounds like you do have a "sweet man" for sure!

Take care and all the best to you and your man