not that I want them to see si, just that maybe I could hide behind it. I also realize how ludicrous it sounds. Yes, I have a T.

I don't know where the urges come from, its coping I know. It's control. It gives me a high so to speak. It helps me forget for a little while. I want to now, this moment. Distraction only works sometimes.

Sorry, I give up, have no strength at this time.