i just want to think out loud and share if it is OK.i have T tomorrow as most of you know .i haven't had the most awesome week ever.am having a hard time sleeping because of panic and intrusive thoughts

mt T said i keep circling around working on myself,what does that mean.

i think i want to make her a card today because she called me a couch potato and then later thought it was rude and said she was sorry.i didn't think it was rude at all i thought it was a light hearted way of letting me know she understood how i was behaving at home.i don't want her to feel bad i need her to be all good in my T head i don't want her to go away over a comment that i didn't mind her saying at all.stupid me.

stupid me asked her if she didn't want me to come there anymore.it was just a panic that jumped in my head and i blurted it out and i think that made her think she did something wrong when it was just a panic that was in my head .i just usually know better than to speak them.it never ends good when i do.

she talked about pink and red again.how I'm not talking again and allowing red to be in control and wanted to know why.

i remember putting my hands over my ears and her talking louder.
i wish i could remember more but i cant.and i am worried about tomorrow.

i have to go to help my farther all day until i have T tomorrow I'm going to make a game out of counting how many times in a hour he will feel the need to put me down.it should be good times lol