I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. Life has been complicated, and I'm having a hard time finding my way back to where I was.

I've fallen into some old, bad "coping behaviors" and that hasn't helped...although I'm trying to find my way back out.

But something happened in the past 24 hours that I think may have finally been the nail in the coffin for my therapy. I have been working SO HARD since the beginning of the year to find a way to make therapy work in spite of some things that have come up and completely derailed it...but something happened yesterday that I think finally pushed me to the point where I CAN'T DO IT. Something that made me question my entire connection with T, whether it was ever real in the first place, whether he even believes in me and my story, everything.

I called to leave him a message this morning and I ended up literally in tears, SCREAMING "I f***ing QUIT". OMG.

I don't know what's going to happen. But wow.

I'm just lost.