It makes sense, I promise. Probably not to other people but I certainly understand where you are coming from. We have a little in common: we are about the same age and I could have been reading about myself when you described being the teacher's pet, and trying to please people and avoid disapproval. That was the driving force behind almost everything I did growing up. I was freaking terrified of "getting in trouble" with every move I made. My dad made me scared and small and I had terrible self esteem for so many years. Still do really in a lot of ways.
I also grew up in the south, so religion was something that was forced on me as the truth, and I would go to hell if I don't conform to what my parents and society and the church say I should do. I have gained enough knowledge (FACTS) now over the course of my life that I do most certainly question and challenge the belief system that was set before me as the only option. Don't get me wrong though, I still have my faith. It is just a different type of faith for a different type of outcome. My beliefs have changed according to the info that has been presented to me as an adult.

Anyway, I just want to say that I do understand and I am new at this too so maybe we can help each other...

Doc