Awwww nightsky. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time- especially for such a long period of time. It's really hard to keep good feelings about our T's and remember good things about them when we've been struggling for such a long time- and when that happens and our closest relationship let's us down (more than once I'm sure) it becomes easier for us to slip into those bad, but familiar coping skills we've relied on in the past. Somehow, as bad as they are, they are comforting to us in some way and we so desperately need that comfort that we'll do anything to get it.

I'm glad you're reaching out here though- it shows that you still have a still a will and hope. Hang in there nightsky. You have a load of friends here who are willing and standing by to help in any way that we can.