(((((KarlyePerez))))),

Oh, I am so sorry that you have been through so much and you definitely deserve to be validated and receive therapy. It is obvious that the people around you have no idea that what your struggling with is a challenge and very real. That happens a lot with people who struggle with PTSD and it does make it hard and even lonely and confusing for the person who is struggling.

Ok, you're going to have to prioritize, I can see that you have a lot of "I want to's" and "I need to's" in your post. So let me see if I can help you a little. First and foremost you need to get treatment and the correct diagnosis. It is not unusual for someone who is struggling with PTSD to get those other diagnoses when really it is all simply a part of the PTSD itself.

Now, you mentioned that your boyfriend is a good guy, but he doesn't understand your PTSD and he wont read about it either even if you do provide him with the information. Well, I encountered that as well and what I found the most helpful is to first find a therapist for myself. Now, if you don't have a means for transportation, via your own car, you will have to work on getting your boyfriend to help you get to a therapist. So, instead of trying to get the boyfriend to read about what you have thinking he has to solve it somehow, take him off the hook and tell him all you really need right now is for him to support you in getting therapy. All you really have to share with him is that , yes, you are struggling and you want to get therapy to help you get a handle on it. If he is a good guy he will help you with that.

So, your first goal has to be to get therapy. As far as your daughter goes, that will have to wait, so right now put that on the back burner. Once you find a therapist who can correctly diagnose you and work with you, you will then learn ways to understand and work on healing. After you do that for a time and find a therapist who DOES work with you, only then will you be able to address finding the right path towards reclaiming your daughter.

Now, as far as your boyfriend is concerned, at first the best way to handle him is to allow him to think that your problems are going to be resolved through therapy. Once you have given time to participating in therapy and a therapist has had time to evaluate you, diagnose you and work with you in therapy, then you can arrange for your boyfriend to meet with the therapist. This way a therapist can talk to your boyfriend and give your boyfriend ways to support you while you are in therapy. This is what I did myself and it was the best way to handle my husband who did not understand how I struggled and how to support me.

Once you get to a point in therapy where you understand yourself what you are struggling with and how to work through it, then you can think about going back to school. Your therapist can help you decide if you are ready to take that process on and how much you can handle.

The most important thing for you right now is to start with getting help for yourself.
Instead of leaving the boyfriend, because he IS a good guy, I think you should first find a therapist and leave that decision for later. A therapist can help you make a decision about that.

You ARE struggling and it is very important to SLOW down and work on one thing at a time. Stop throwing all kinds of "I have to's" in the mix right now, it is simply too much all at once and you will only get overwhelmed.

((((((Hugs)))))))
Open Eyes