Until you deal with what is causing the "self hatred" it will never go away. Distracting is not dealing with your real problem....it's just masking it in hopes that it will go away.

Until you deal with the things that are causing the shame & guilt which is causing your self hatred & your outbursts of anger, you will never heal. It takes being willing to open up your awareness & truly understanding even if it's through a thorough chain analysis of where your current feelings are coming from in your past.

If you truly want to heal & truly want to get better, you will have to go through the pain or opening up to these things & putting them into the proper perspective & yes, even radically accepting what has happened in your past that is causing this shame & hatred.

One cannot accept themselves without accepting the things in the past that are causing the self.....because there are usually changes that need to be made & sometimes it's now wise to accept that we are angry what we need to do is process what is causing the anger & properly put it into it's place, accepting what has happened & then understanding where our life has gone & what changes we need to make to correct in our reacting to those bad things that have happened in our past that have caused us the shame & guilt.

You have a lot going on that you need to deal with....but if you don't open up that past that it feels like you are hiding from that is causing the guilt & shame that keeps haunting you....you will never be able to heal the way you seem to want to. Yes, it takes work & probably a lot of pain of realization.....but it's worth it to be able to put the past where it belongs.....in the past & accepting that it was part of your life so that you can go on & LEARN how to act to life now....reprogram your neuropathways that you have been programming for so long & get on with your life.