I hope I did the quote thing right. (I don't really get how to do that.) Mainly, I am just burning to say that I so very strongly endorse what Perna expresses in these exact words. I particularly like the bit referencing "things we . . . did not learn to do in childhood . . . " I relate strongly to that, as I am socially avoidant, due to failure to learn social skills when I needed to be learning those. I grew up under a parenting style that was sternly shaming, at times. A sibling of mine was the main target. It is occurring to me now that, perhaps, witnessing a sibling being emotionally traumatized must do something not very good to the witness. My sib was always being told, "Why can't you be more like Rose?" It would seem (to me) that this had me thinking, on the conscious level, that I was being left off the hook. Somehow, though, I don't think that was really true. At some level, I was probably being impacted negatively . . . along the lines of being very excessively glad that I was not my siblilng. I can't figure out the dynamics, but I ended up being very inhibited - proud of what I could do well, but frightened to death of doing anything that I did not think I could excel at. (perfectionism, as the article points out, being a marker) Meanwhile, my sib seemed to always be under-inhibited. (rage?) I would love to understand this better than I do.

Thanks for exploring this theme, one that interests me - but - one that I have a hard time understanding.