thank you every one for all the support and advice.... today is a good day so far..... i feel almost happy? idk why but im gonna hold on to it for as long as i can.... i got out of bed this morning and made my boyfriend breakfast and lunch and cleaned the kitchen, took a shower put on jeans and a tshirt and walked to the store to get some groceries..... this is a major step for me today i feel accomplished :l) i keep trying to talk to bryan(my boyfriend) about therapy and stuff like that and i dont know how to tell him i really do need to talk to someone besides just him...... i try to talk one day at a time and force myself to do little things but somedays its extremly hard to do anything...... im very surprised at all ive done this morning from 6 to 8 i am proud of myself to day....... baby steps i guess..... about the whole hospital things idk what i should do cause he doesnt want me to go to one and i really dont want to go eiither but that is the only way i know of to get a counsler for free....... idk about referals or anything like that my tricare medical insurance is over on the 30th which is my 21st birthday..... and my medicaid didnt transfer when i moved states.... so idk what to do about trying to find a counsler