After my last session where we talked about my internal feeling of riot and disorder never having been contained/made sense off, and my really getting a grasp on that, what it means and what I missed and what I can do now myself to heal that, I dreamt last night that I was dressed up in arabic fashion with another arabic woman and we were in the desert and I was showing her a map pointing out the route she needs to take to get out the desert.

I felt in the dream a great sense of satisfaction and calm, the same feelings I had when I grasped what was causing the disorder inside and the need to always try and match that up with the outside world. When I felt myself finally just being with those feelings and soothing them in the silence. To some they they may say that feeling is akin to getting closer to "god" to me it was finally being able to nuture that part of me that had been left/abandoned so many times.