Ya I think that huge! I mean if you never heard it, nor felt it, how would you be comfortable it? That's really sad too, every child should be shown love. Do you think it's possible that you might just not yet know what love feels like? Like I thought I loved my first husband, I was young and hadn't a clue what real love was or felt like, wasn't shown that a lot. Finally dawned on me one day that I didn't know, and I didn't love him. Different fom you a bit, but just putting it out there.

All that said tho, really with the other aspects you talked about, seems like a lot is at play here. I do think it's worth figuring out tho, for your own benefit. It's confusing trying to unwind stuff like this, but I really think it can happen. And hey you know, you never know what's at the root of your perspectives and if that can be built upon, until you go looking that is.