I had many problems at different times in my life with self-loathing. Most of it was caused by external factors such as bullying in school. Once self esteem is damaged, the wrong thought patterns come out. It took counselling and reading for me to realize it and learn to change my thought patterns. Life is starting to make an upswing now so I am calmer. If things get tough again, I will begin to think bad thoughts again. It is a learning experience.