I’m sending this in today because I have been stuck for 5 to 6 years now. I’m really tired of being sick and tired. I have had a choppy run of bad luck through out my life. Have made some bad decisions, but I’m devastated, not another day can I do this. I’ve stopped caring about anything especially me. Have always been able to pull my rebellious, “type A personality” self out, but this is different. Have not been able to find the right combination of the antidepressants that work. Have been diagnosed bi-polar.
I’m sure this will appear that I’m feeling sorry for myself, I hate that. Here are some of the things that have happened - while recovering from empty nest syndrome and back surgery lost job of 15+ years. Shot in the butt which pierced through my hip and took my little finger (was very lucky to survive and to have the minor injures). I was stuck alone in this hillbilly, hick of a town, population 200, hospital. 8 hours away from home. I felt I was being victimized everyday that I spent in that hospital due to my conflicts with some of the nurses. I have had some rebellious issues before with - the no hand washing, no glove wearing, try to have authority over me nurses. They played a lot of games, not giving me all sleeping pills that doctor prescribed, turned away physical therapist just to be jerks, reduce amount of pain medication without approval. Yelled at me that I called and told the doctor what was going on. My husband of 1 ½ years, had no compassion. He was back out hunting the day after. My parents went home 1 ½ weeks after I was released from the hospital. I couldn’t get dressed by myself, let alone drive to the doctors 3 times a week to dress up the vacuum I had stuck to my hip, cook, getting out of bed was almost impossible. My 3 children weren’t stopping by. I had been deserted while confined to my front room, hospital bed. My still jerk of a Husband and myself were divorced. I lost my home of 12 years, that I had built for the kids and I. Stayed with my back stabbing, self seeking, trouble making, accusing me of stealing her chocolate chips, lock the doors and not open at 10:30 pm, denying of paying her, sister. I lived with for 2 ½ weeks. I had no where to go. My folks would let me stay in their guest room if I didn’t bring my 2, 10 year old, boston terrier dogs. Lost my 11 year companion, 1 of my 2 dogs, that had became my life. They became my reason to get up in the morning.
My family broke so many reassuring promises. I couldn’t trust anyone and haven‘t since.
I now live 56 miles away from my family about 50 yards from the forest service and 10 miles away from a tiny town. I have lost 3 teeth on my upper jaw, one is the front tooth the other 2 are of to the side of it. I’m now really embarrassed to go out of my house. Haven’t taken care of anything including myself. I’m very educated in a field that I loved for 15 years. I would love to get to a place that I can live again, work again, take care of myself and everything else in my life again. I’m extremely over whelmed and in need of some encouragement.