Holy crap! I was going to get this tatooed...on my stomach but it would not fit .

this nails it for me. In a sense, the "take home" lesson about my therapist was that I learned that my situation in that office would never change.

How ironic, given that I sought therapy to deal with the death of someone who would never accept me, but never changed. And I enlisted into therapy with someone who would never accept me but would never change. My reactions were not accepted; my challenging of the theories was not accepted; my insistence on dealing with certain matters were never accepted. And that wasn't going to change.

My healthiest perception of that therapy (the mix between T and me) was that it was a bad mix of personalities. As simple as that. T sees mostly other therapists, and once or twice lapsed into a behind-the-scenes- discussion of tips on "here's-how-to-treat-the-recalcitrant client talk...believe me, it WAS like being a fly on the wall...oops the mask fell off and it was not pretty! It was truly chilling to hear a therapist talking to someone T had assumed was another therapist ...talking about clients, and the "experiences" that he subjected them to..urging them "to use yourself whenever possible to agitate and stir the patient's reactions and recapitulate their pain" Crap like that......). There will be those of you on this board who think that's keen....have at it!

The bottom line: week in and week out, my healthiest perceptions were accurate. BUT I chose to ignore them. It cost me dearly.
Today I had a monster migraine headache ....very much connected to what I am going through. I hope my head is clearing, quite literally.

I am sorry for hijacking this thread. But I still think -- no, obsess-- about ex t. So I know what you mean, LC.

I went to lunch with a friend, who called this therapy some kind of darkness, . WHY I perpetuated this therapy well beyond the point where my healthiest perceptions were confirmed is where the "sweet spot" of any new therapy undertakinig is for me, and every day that elapses without contacting my ex t, I feel a little more in the clear. I hope you are coming out of the cloud. I don't know if this applies to any of you, but it might.

Lola, if it does not, please hang in there. You deserve the support that you need at this point in your way. I am thinking of you. Stay strong...and take care of YOU.

Blessings,

MCL