TRIG!

Amina Filali, Morocco Rape Victim, Commits Suicide After Forced Marriage To Rapist

Ok so I happened to see this today and it set me off big time emotionally.
I can't even START to articulate how angry this whole topic makes me!!!

When I was 16, a 25 yr old sociopath man raped me and trapped me in his world. I lost his child to miscarrage when I was 17. Then two months later I overdosed while at school and had my stomach pumped.

That SAME frickin night after I got out of the ER, my father stood in the driveway DEMANDING to know when I was going to get married !!!!
I was married 2 months later.

The idiot would not let me eat ANYTHING except generic frozen bread and tap water. He told me I could eat the dog food if I was "that" hungry.
I went from 118lbs to 82lbs in 5 months.

I was able to escape by going with a lady who had been molesting me starting at the age of 11. She was 12 yrs older than me. But I thought I loved her and she let me eat!

Anyway... bottom line is now I am feeling very very very suicidal so I thought I would just write out all this. I am so angry and want to cry but I can't do it. No idea why. I need to go take my medicine anyway for depression and anxiety and I can feel when that hits, so I know I will be ok. But what I WANT to do is take all the pills right now along with all my pain pills and all my sleeping pills I had not used. I can't begin to describe how desperately I want to do this !!!!

But I know for a FACT it is because I am triggered huge time.
I feel so so alone with all this. I told my T about it in an email, but I don't know what he could say to help me if he could say anything.
It just hurts very badly inside.

Why did my own family betray me!!!!! How was I not good enough for them!!!! When I did walk down the isle to marry my rapist, my father almost RAN me down the bloody isle at church !!!!! It was like he could not get rid of me fast enough !!!!!

I am sorry. I am just in very bad pain inside right now. I am safe. I know that. I am just in pain.