I can tell you, reading through this, that I understand WELL the mental pain... the absolute anquish of wanting to choosing death over life at some point. I may be a new poster but I did see the notice about discussing suicide, and I will do my best to make this as rule friendly as possible, I just thought I would share something for thought.

I completely agree with a quote written by cboxpalace on page 2 where he says,

When such a state of complete anguish and depression hits, usually either the one in question's life has never been what they have expected and something finally pushed them over the edge, or a sudden traumatic event has struck that stripped them from happiness and placed them in what I call the state of abyss. (Note: What I am about to describe obviously may not be the case in every instance, but it may open a few eyes to some of the feelings experienced in this state.)

In this state the one in question can feel not only as though his life has lost control but also that he has lost control of himself. There is a pain in his heart that can be so overwhelming at times that the suicidal person may not be able to do much other than lie down or cry. He may not feel the will to eat, drink, or sleep (or all he may do is sleep) because he feels empty... scared... abandoned... as if a prisoner in his own body held down by invisible shackles. Due to the stigma associated with suicide, the one in question may continue to bottle in his pain... or he may try to tell others... or hint to others hoping they catch on to his thoughts. Many times, the person DOES want help, but our current religion-infested, judgemental society often pushes this person away, and many in this position are terrified of what a psychiatrist or hotline may do. (I for one would be terrified of the thought or possibility of being sent to a mental hospital...)

NOW... many of us here, I'm sure, knew that the things above can happen with depression but here is the part I wanted to really share. To many people, when the mental destruction becomes so intense that he cannot take it anymore, that voice inside i'm sure we've all heard at one point or another becomes stronger... and it can become so intense and constant, EXPECIALLY when the one in question is left alone, that all other thoughts can be blocked out of the person's mind. Thoughts of family, selfishness, friends, and the aftermath of the incident can be blocked out by that voice inside that gloats, and taunts, and teases, and tries so hard to convince you that you have no reason to be here anymore...

Sometimes a thought comes up that can prevent one in this state from proceeding... one of the thoughts that was previously blocked from their mind crawls back inside and prevents the actions. At other times though, the taunting and convincing continues, as the victim's heart begins to feel intense pressure, bottling everything up inside at a frighteningly quick rate, and the pressure quickly WILL overflow, (We can only take so much...) and an action will occur... whether this be a scream, a loud cry, or if the desired method of suicide is nearby, a desperate attempt to escape... with nothing on your mind but this horrid pain... sometimes it can lead the person to write a note to loved ones, but even if they are on the person's mind, his mind is very pained and fogged at this point and is not thinking anywhere near clearly. (Think about the novel "1984" and Wilson's personality at the beginning as opposed to the ending. It's a whole new state of mind. To this person, he has suffered a temporary change, similar to the example given, putting him into a state of mind composed of pain and anguish.) If a method is not nearby, a plan may be made and, if the feelings persist, carried out at a later date.

I won't go into much more detail, in fear that I've already broken some rule, and I know this isn't the case with every person with suicidal feelings, but I do know this is how it is for some... and for those who are in this position, as to answer the question of this topic... if someone feels this sort of intense pain, to the point where they can barely even remember anything or anyone around them, and they end their lives in that moment when it just can't be held in any longer than no... i don't consider them selfish. They may have left others behind, they may have left a mess, but they couldn't control their thoughts and pain enough to realize fully what they were doing. I believe many who commit suicide feel something similar to the scenario I described above, give or take some, and that's why I can sympathize greatly with it. It's a horrible situation, that many in our current world could not understand if you tried to explain it, and that is why so many are left alone to cross a mountain one is not strong enough alone to climb...

(I am in no way saying they should end their lives if they get into this state, this is just to make it easier for those who have not experienced that breaking point to understand that it is a much more complicated situation that simply thinking about those you care about and it will all be solved. There are other times when you can feel suicidal thoughts, and can pull yourself out much easier than the situation I mentioned above, but what I was trying to describe was the absolute BREAKING point... the point of no return that only a small percentage of those who have suicidal thoughts ever get pulled into.)