Hi teen. I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering! A positive is that you do not want to die! That show that you want to fight this. I think that first of all you must tell your doctor all this that you shared. My nephew was diagnosed with adhd and his medication turned him into a zombie. It can be that your current meds are not working with your body. To me you sound extremely depressed. So maybe you need to be on anti depressants? Ask your dr about that. You can also benefit greatly by finding a therapist who will walk a road to getting better with you. Keep yourself safe and I hope you find the help you need.