im only new to this so im not really sure how this works. But anyway im 17 and im going through a really rough patch at the moment. things have gone downhill in the last 6 months so fast my head is spinning. im in grade 12 and im so stressed out because of all the work and im not very good at handling my stress. im having alot of problems at home with my family, i get really terrible mood swings and get into alot of trouble with my parents. i've been dating my boyfriend for the last 7 months and i love him very much and hes my first real boyfriend. we fight ALOT, like twice a day. and i always feel so guilty afterwards.

I have a family history of depression and anxiety and every female on my mothers side is now on medication for it, but i really dont want to go to the doctors because i know theyll just want to put me on tables and i really dont want too.

I really need help right now. sometimes i feel really sad and there isnt even a specific reason. i just dont know what to do anymore. the last 6 months ive resorted to cutting myself and when my boyfriend found out it really upset him. we constantly argue about it but i still feel the need to do it. i really hate hurting him but he just doesnt understand what im going through.

im not an open person, i dont like putting myself out there for everyone to see. i like being private and. But i really need some sort of game plan to fix this because it is effecting my home and social life. some days i dont even want to get out of bed. sometimes i just cry for no reason, and its been months since ive has a proper nights sleep. i feel like there are walls all around me and i cant breathe. i have panic attack some nights and im always on the phone to my boyfriend till the early hours of the morning because im scared to be alone with my thoughts. I cant keep going on like this or im going to just crash and burn.

if anyone has any ideas on how to help me, please, i am willing to try anything.