Thank you GrowlyCat

I could see that with getting worse before getting better--- and yes ultimately yes do what is right for me- but something to keep in mind is my Boyfriend has went over years of changes with me (good and bad)- Was heavy into drugs when i met him, cleaned up, when we first were officially together he saw me go through another hole in my heart from my family with different members of it which brought me down- it was hard due to it was like- I am over them, no I am not- And then I bounced a little up from that of it will be ok/postiive ok attitude of that is their lives- he has went through the bad of surgery with me, and getting back (still working on getting fully back from that) but still.... And to be honest I am not sure what it is that I need-- My boyfriend has mentioned maybe a different therapist-- After all this woman i was seeing was hard to read, and confusing, and many times gave no direction- and if that was her game to get me better- well I think maybe that should had slightly been indulged to me.

To be honest the Therapist at times seemed as if I should not be in therapy as I mentioned the 2nd session of her bouncing around, like I was ok- Just some stuff i have to deal with in life-- I guess I did not detail mention the bouncing around- cuz she would be like that and then when i tried to get out of therapy around November of saying nothing was working, before this happened in February, she told me not to quit and to keep trying; and a time before that when i was using the frogs as signs--- she said well thank goodness you did not indulge yourself in the signs for who knows what would had happened if you did not start therapy (Frogs appearing last August to me were signs of stop therapy- the one got killed after a bad day in therapy and that I took as a deep sign).. I know they are just frogs-- but they had some connection to me at the time... then this happens in Feb from her.. IDK..

Rose mentioned something in another thread that is the bipolar section that I had before the drop that I did talk to the Therapist about but she did not give a damn on what was going on and blamed it on me quitting smoking at that time (which it was 2 weeks of stuff and I had just quit smoking for 3 days) But I think what Rose mentions does have some truth in it-- maybe I do just need side projects.. I had a very hard child and teenage years growing up-- Yeah i may had gotten heavy into street drugs at the end of my teenager years- but between the ages of like 6 to 17 i had school-- School always got me away from home, and gave me focus... perhaps that is what I need in life right now-- be the busy bee--- be the workahlic that others know me as.. but to balance it out and not be soo indulged in it as I know I can get to be.........

I need to get out more maybe-- I am not sure--- I am a loner after all.... I have trouble with peopel.. That is one reason why I like grave yard shifts. I did first shift but had anxiety with things

In the end-- GrowlyCat you do make a great point and it is something to really think on.... what do i need.. I am not sure at this time but it will be something more to think on....