Rose -- I think you hit something on the head with me...

when i was a kid- I was one of the odd ducks-- School was my escape from home... I was allowed to indulge and get lost in the studies, projects and all with school and forget about home... I did this till my late teenage years, And to be honest it was not till my senior year that I started to realize I -- I truly believed there was no way for me to go to college--- it did depress me, i felt let down by a lot and felt like i wasted time with it all-- and other things as well--- Drugs were curioisty thing of mine for a long time but did not touch them due to I had seen addicts in my own family.... but I eventually did fall off the cloud on that and I dove right into that life-- spent about 5 years in that life...... Even though a drug addict when I started this job, I was still very indulged in the job- and still can be even though cleaned up and being furloughed (that is another story though).

This March month has been a little blah-- BUT i have noticed, that with me doing my art and projects at home, I have not been so quick to go off the handle.. or be depressed as I would be over things if a different time... I still get a little down, but it sometimes passes quicker....

I think you and I do relate a lot-- Keeping me busy seems like a good thing-- lol my boyfriend says sometimes that-- Oh no you have been left with nothing to do and left by self with your self for too long-- he is in a way picking on me, but it is in a caring way- and to be honest can't get too mad for it is true with me... As you mention in one reply here- get out of my head some times.... and that is sometimes hard.

My boyfriend has suggested as you have said-- Go out with friends... Maybe go see an old hs bud that I still keep in contact with that is nice and he has meet too... or there was a co-worker that used to be at work, that he said- go - go out with her-- the sad part is-- She sends me invites to do things with her and her gf .... and i deny them for some reason.... I am not good with this all.

I tend to feel funny with people that I have not seen for a bit, weather it be months or years.... And strangers.. ehg.. I so unsure of myself some days (not sure if it is an identity issue or what) but just that i don't like it, but then there can be other times that there is a new person at work- and I am like HI hey- wow Hi - I am Beauflow, what is up- so where you work before here, well this is that and this and all....

I just can't seem to be that way in life it seems like.... idk...

But thank you and sorry for the ramble again-- geez talkitive lately on here again