Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Watch away! Sometimes I try to not watch, well much of the time but like you said.. It changes nothing. I know what's going on, I see it. I've always been the way I am, not unaware. Thing is tho I don't deal with it well. I can do what I can to help things but it doesn't fix what's wrong, maybe it helps a little on a small spectrum. Hence I try to shut it down, because it makes me feel scarred from the inside out. I've always had a hard time facing the world for what it is, I feel almost like an alien with this, an alien in pain and disbelief.

I don't really know how to explain it better, but I feel like I am not "of" this.