Damn. As I sit here and say to myself over and over again.. "Do I care? do I feel bad?" "Am I being honest with myself?" I've always known I had a problem with empathy specifically.

I guess I just don't understand what it's like to feel 'bad' about something. Why would I feel bad? If I did something, I must have had a reason. Last time I thought I felt bad about something was about 2 years ago, I almost killed my ex girlfriend. She was chasing me down the freeway (loooooong story as to how that came to be) but anyways, 80 mph and she tries to pass me on the freeway. I pulled out right in front of her and hit my brakes to which she 360'd into the guard rail (did I tell this story already?)

anyways, I was worried she was going to call the cops on me, so I welled up some tears and pretended to cry (I know I was pretending because as soon as I got off the phone I felt fine). I came over and tried to make things better, but then ended up just getting pissed again and stormed out of her house. Then I went home and sent an email to my boss about her and all her druggie friends taking a camping trip that weekend, to which everyone got drug tested, a couple got fired. her life got screwed. her whole job and everything. So not only did I help screw up her car, and almost kill her, but I turned her in for doing drugs as well. No, I don't feel bad about it. Later I would go on to kick in her daughters one remaining GOOD door to her car after a drunken argument and I had considered filling a visine container full of super glue and leaving it by her car so hopefully she would use it without thinking (I know she still smokes pot) and glue her eyes.

So. how does that sound?