I posted a little about myself the other day in New Member Introductions. For over five years I've been abusing alcohol and cocaine. I went to my doctor the other day and he prescribed naltrexone as I want to change the way I relate to alcohol to a "normal" way, if there is such a thing.

Foolishly, I decided to get some drugs to do "just one last time" and admitted that I'd gotten them to my wife which destroyed some of the faith I thought had been building up.

I'm determined not to relapse regardless of the cravings or my mindset (my job pretty much sucks and i might be let go at the end of the month - not related to the above mentioned problem).

I want desperately to be able to discuss my thoughts and feeling with my wife and have her to be there for me not just as my partner but also as my friend but she gets very angry and that overrides any other thoughts.

Today is Day One for me as far as no more drugs. Picked up smoking cigarettes again along the way and that's over too. I'm going to seriously work the naltrexone using the Sinclair Method as that approach makes the most sense to me.

Have been to several meetings of AA and CA but can't buy into the Twelve Step programs. In addition to starting the job search again (just in case) I plan to try to keep myself busy with projects and away from people and places that could be triggers.

I've also lied to my wife on more than a few occassions out of shame and guilt and that ends now too. I hope she can accept this going forward and try to judge me on my actions in the future as I can't change the past.

Thanks for reading this and if you have any suggestions, they'd be greatly appreciated.

TexasMan