Hi everyone,

I have been having an incredibly tough time the past two weeks. Been feeling suicidal and cutting a LOT.

I think things are about to get better for me though.

What do you think?

Weds March 14, 9:55

Suicide is a comforting thought. "If it gets so bad that I can't take it anymore, I don't have to."

I always assumed that giving up would coincide with being out of options. of having tried everything, and nothing working.

In my heart, I feel like it is hopeless. That I am worthless and not worth saving. I do not think I can find meaning in existence. That's what my gut is telling me.

But my lead is telling me, "There is a reason no country has ever elected a 23 year old president." I don't know everything. It's illogical to give up when there's still a possibility of hope.

I told [T] that sometimes I have to take my cues from [boyfriend]. [On how to react/what to do in a given situation.] I know that I'm not always thinking right [or seeing things clearly/with perspective.] I think I have to do that now, with [T].

I have to keep trying because [T] says there's still hope, and so does [boyfriend], and so would [best friend].

[T] has said before that I have to "learn to sit with it." Ok, great, but what do I do in the meantime?!

The thought of "Doing Thursday" is unbearable. It makes me want to cry. To cut. To kill myself.

When the thought of living seems unbearable, how do you survive long enough to find out if it is?

What do I do right now? What do I do?

I don't want to kill myself right now... but I don't know how to live.