i feel exactly the same, my reason not to do it is also family and friends. im really scared of dying but i think it would be really easy if i don't wake up... plus i don't have enough courage to do it. a friend of mine tried it once and regretted it incredibly, threw up the meds she took. she's really happy now. she says to me "it will all work out, i know they say it gets better but it really does get better".
i don't think it is a suicidal though but you could ask for counsel to your therapist