Quote:
Originally Posted by morsecoded
I do not think that "I" am the lovable one. I think it is the construct I seem to generate in trying to be what people want and need. There is some "me" in there, and I gradually increase it over time, but I seem to be too afraid to just come right out from the very beginning and say, "This is me."
I want them to love me (a lot) and I want to be special to them - that meets my needs. But why can't they just love platonically instead of turning it into a situation where I lose them just because they can't have absolutely everything they want? I think what the message is from them is this: "I can't tolerate your issues if I can't have you."
I'm sure you're right in that some of this is my fault, but I don't know how else to achieve close and loving relationships with people.
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Maybe your relationships take on an obsessional tone. Maybe you are so attentive, so interested, so loving, so perfect at the beginning, how can they not find you adorable? And maybe you do it because you are also getting caught up in the excitement of having a new friend...until you burn out and can't keep it up anymore. What if you slowed things down? Forced yourself to back off, not be in touch quite as often. Kind of an 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' approach. Just a thought.