I've been distracting myself with one of my hobbies which has been very helpful, but now I'm thinking about the situation again. Perna, you're right. I know that, but there is something going on with me. I don't know what it is. It's not that I can't function without my T; it's this awful feeling I get when I think about her. I've pushed it aside for a couple of days.

I feel like I'm in quicksand and sinking fast. I don't know if it's erotic transference, Mommy transference or just plain grief. I don't want to face it because I feel stuck in the quicksand. It hurts too much to have to leave my T each week. After 2 years it should be getting better, but the more I share with her, the harder it is to leave. I think something is wrong with me that is never going to get better. It's too big to be about my mother dying. I don't know where it comes from; I suppose it's those unmet needs.

I don't want my T to go so far away from me. I don't!!!