When I got sober I frightened the hell out of myself with a few fits of rage I flew into. My weed had kept me tamped down and w/o it I had a few episodes where I was a hair away from being the guy they hogtie on Cops. That phrase beside yourself--that was me. I felt like I was outside myself watching myself behaving in this terrifying way.

I got so scared of myself, what I was capable of, and what this behavior was gonna do to my relationships that I voluntarily took an anger management class.

They described anger as a secondary emotion--something we feel instead of feeling another emotion and described rage as an intoxicant of it's own. Rage gives me an illusion of being powerful, even though I am far from holding the reins when in its grasp.

And very often I would much rather have that illusion of power than feel the much more vulnerable emotion underlying the rage, such as, inadequacy, embarrassment, hurt, shame, loss, fear, anxiety, or frustration.

If I was in the situation you describe, I would feel embarrassed, hurt, frustrated, and inadequate. Those are all much more difficult to feel especially for someone who is used to numbing them out with rage.

What I found for myself, though, was that my rage was like the great and powerful Oz, and as soon as I started forcing myself to look at the negative emotions behind the curtain, the rage just started more and more to seem silly and began to lose its appeal.

That was just my experience. Yours could be different.