My T rang me this week too, after reading one of my emails - and I felt touched she would do that. I felt more warm/fuzzy than cold/empty.. I think I've got to a stage now though where I feel more secure, that there's a connection, that she IS part of my life - but I do feel I know what you mean. It's so hard to feel like you can reach out - be vulnerable enough to 'need' someone, to lean on someone, when you're so used to keeping everyone at arm's length and trying to deal with everything yourself. I had this 'weird, empty' feeling you describe sometimes as I got into my car and drove away after sessions - almost like, 'I've waited a whole week to see you, now I have, but now what? I'm on my own again!' I think there was a turning point for me, when I finally realised I really could reach out to my T.

Of course, now I worry what I'm going to do when she's no longer there - but by then hopefully the relationship we have will have healed me somewhat and I'll be in a better position to let other people in, have healthy relationships and connections with others... I think feeling the connection with T intensified my need for someone too - like, I felt suddenly desperate to forge a deep connection, closeness, with someone else, someone who could be in my life on more than a weekly 90 minute basis - but those feelings have seemed to calm down (I'm glad to report, as I'm probably not in a good position to be starting a serious relationship at the moment anyway, if I'm honest )

You need your T now, and she's there for you now - I say embrace that (embrace, though, not abuse!) - I know you're worried about becoming too reliant on her, but when things 'die down' as you say, when things start feeling better, I don't think you'll feel the same urgency and need to reach out to her anyway, the connection will start to feel more secure with less contact, and you'll find an equilibrium...

At least I think that's how it goes, it's the theory I'm working with