I guess maybe I see this a little differently than some. You all had a bit of a rupture and it was traumatic--whether you made it more traumatic than it was or not, this is the reality. I also don't see long vs. short emails being the problem (and it's just *you* to write long emails--no judgment necessary). Clearly, email is a big point of contention for you all and one that needs to be worked out pronto. It seems that she is unwilling to budge and I hope that you can have a conversation that goes more than "Her: No emails, period, end of discussion." Emailing with a T is very important to me. This was a big problem with my last T (would never respond) and my new T (like my previous 2 Ts) will respond and I'm doing much better. As long as it's clear that email doesn't become therapy, but rather just a check in ("Sounds good, thinking of you, let's definitely talk about this situation next time, remember to breathe," etc.) this is helpful to the client, in my opinion. Rigid boundaries aren't reality and aren't healthy--how are we, people who struggle with boundaries, to learn moderation if it's all or nothing? I've learned infinitely more about this from Ts who have allowed me to email and will respond briefly. This all depends on the person's specific issues and what the T is OK with, but for me, it has been infinitely important to have a T who does allow and respond to my emails. At first her responses seemed short, but now her 10-15 words in response to a page long email ARE enough. But I had to learn this through the process of her emailing back.

I, too, am worried about her statement of your clinginess made her uncomfortable--you need to be able to completely be yourself and know that how you are is OK (even if you want to make some tweaks) and you're not too much for a T. A T is a person, but your relationship is therapeutic, not a friendship, and she first needs to help you to believe that you're worthy and loveable just as you are. She needs to meet you where you are at this moment. Your goal might be/probably is changing certain behaviors, but she needs to interact with you where you are and not where she/you wants you to be.

I read what you wrote last night and I still would proceed cautiously... Her bluntness, as you put it, is causing a problem for you that you feel like you need to reach out to clarify. This, in my opinion, isn't you it's her not allowing time at the end of the session, for example, to go back over anything that gave you pause or just to try to be more comfortable with her phrasing. Relationships, not matter what type, are work and a struggle, but a therapy relationship is to ultimately help the client. Pushing can be good, but it's a fine line of too much pushing...

Just my thoughts. And me being someone who completely has been in this place of needing email and needing responses and not getting them and having it be detrimental to me.