I've tried voicing my opinions but all i get in return are excuses or getting yelled at (when i was littler) and nothing changes so i've become more quiet, over the years...I've learned that it doesn't involve me but it troubling to watch an train accident waiting to happen. So i know it has to be her choice but i still care about her and hate seeing her get hurt. I didnt really attack the marriage in my letter (i tried to make it as nonthreatening as possible), mostly just questioned events that occurred. Even though I dont think she knows (which is why i am going to tell her) but my sister and myself feel guilty for there not being a divorce, even though rationally it wasn't our fault. There was many incidences when we were little where my dad would scream at us and throw things while my mom was at work (he worked at home.) We were too scared to tell her because she would work 12 hour days and didnt want to deal with drama and would get really angry. Nowadays she has quit her job and is a stay at home mom (so things dont get out of hand) She Says "we'll if i had known then what was going on, i would of divorced him" . I Just feel like my mom always wanted what was best for us, now i am not so sure. It's sick really, both my parents were abused as children and lived in dysfunctional families ( i dont see either extended family) and some how got together. My mom's mom has some sort of mental disorder but was never diagnosed because they don't believe in those things. needless to say a Negative + negative doesnt equal a positive if you don't deal with your problems.

Things are just messed up. I know i tried filling the void of an empty parent especially when i was little being the oldest child.
Though i know my dad is the main culprit (and i have told him we are done, we never had a relationship and until things drastically change we wont have one, he told me he doesnt want to change).
i feel my mom has been somewhat damaging too. He's more manipulative and doesnt care about anything but him, her on the other hand is all about maintaining order probably because of what has been happening...
I just feel like it can be "ignored" (and they both are) so to say easier because there is no physical involvement its pretty much all emotional abuse, (Although my dad did punch the wall at one time). Then i start trying to play it off, oh its not that bad but it still lingers...and the depression, is just all over the place, some days its not so bad, other days its a huge weight, i can't take it when she tries to blame it on something dumb like my work (works no big deal for me). I Get angry a lot too, the littlest things set me off, and my mom says i like being angry... its not true. I hate it, why can't i just be normal, or happy?

My parents are arguing right now, but ill try giving her my letter and talking to her about it tonight. But i have to say i agree with all that is said. But I know i gotta make it right on my own and do whats right for me. If I don't tell her, its like i am lying... and she needs to know the truth...

Sorry for my writing be so jumpy, i have a hard time concentrating on one thing at a time.