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Originally Posted by eastcoaster
Pushing can be good, but it's a fine line of too much pushing...
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This was kinda how I see it. She used to be not pushy enough, now she's pushing too hard. We need to find some common ground and I'm taking my first steps toward that (I hope) by doing what she said. I'm processing. I've been writing for the last hour about triggers and what it reminds me of from the past. Then I'll figure out what I want to do about that. It may be as simple as talking to her next session. Thanks eastcoaster!
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Originally Posted by just_some_girl
Ouch! It was a tad blunt perhaps, but I think she was just trying to be direct so you couldn't misinterpret or misunderstand, so there was no wiggle room - and I thought she'd expressed her views about emails before? (maybe I remember that wrong.)
But oh Chopin, you emailed again after that?! What we gon' do with you?
(I'd probably do the same thing though, to be fair
Ps: I happen to like your flowery written skills!
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She's usually blunt by email, but not THAT blunt. I was given her email address in October. I was able to use it until December, during our first rupture, then she restored the privilege about a month later. She has been fine until last week. I think she doesn't mind email as long as I keep it short and allow her to reply as she pleases. She tends to reply more often than not. Last week, I sent too many long emails and reminded me that she was standing by her boundaries. Thing is, I really don't know what that means...she hasn't defined them. Thanks, JSG!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Screenager
Wow, that is a rather blunt response... and so terribly short. I haven't e-mailed my T very often so far, but she always replied with "Dear ...." and at least a few sentences. Even if there's not much time, I don't think an answer this short is handling the situation well, especially if the T knows they're dealing with someone very sensitive.
I'd react the same way and I'd probably panic and e-mail again as well, so I'm not judging you there.
ETA: I think I'd even prefer the T not answering at all and instead talking about this once more in session than sending a reply like that that's perceived as hurtful.
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She hasn't answered my reply and her workday is over, so I know she's not going to. I'm actually relieved in some ways, but the first time it was taken away, she threatened termination at the same time, so I'm just a bit triggered. Thanks Screenager!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostmyway21
I agree. I think she would have been better off not emailing back and then discussing it in session. Not judging you for emailing back. If I got that response I probably would have done the same, if not more.
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I actually think so too. I actually would have preferred silence to that response. She probably felt she had to because if she were silent, I'd keep emailing. Thanks lostmyway!
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Originally Posted by ECHOES
"Is it me or her" you ask. It is both of you, in that she is free to respond as she wishes and you are free to have whatever feelings you have about her response. It is so understandable that her brief response would be disappointing.
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Very true. It is us. Thanks ECHOES!
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Originally Posted by granite1
because you are so worth it and worth her time.you are an awsome and caring person with a lot to offer this world and people like you are few
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granite, you made me cry. Thank you!
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Originally Posted by Perna
Why make an additional problem; you asked a question, she gave you an answer. That you don't like the answer or mode of answering is neither here nor there. It sounds like you had a hidden agenda under your words, other than wanting to know the answer to "can I email you or not".
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Really didn't have a hidden agenda. I respect the answer. I guess I feel "punished" for even asking due to her bluntness...right or wrong. Thanks Perna!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
No you aren't, not a bit. This is new to you. Her reply was startling, shocking.
Your email was fine. I'm sorry that she doesn't to emails though.
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AAARGH...she did do emails. I need some boundaries that don't freaking change!!!!! That's the origin of the first rupture I had in December...overly flexible boundaries.
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Originally Posted by TryinToGetBy
I have so many ways in which I looked at this. First of all-you are not pathetic. And you are worth it.
As far as the email goes-I think she's maybe testing you-to see if you could stand her reply was enough, but then you replied to her again? and maybe that's where you should have left it alone? Maybe Her telling you "no emails" was her acting in your best interest therapeutically. She may be trying to teach you something. Maybe it ties into your last session with her saying physically clinging onto her was uncomfortable for her-but she let herself be uncomfortable for you. Maybe now-she's trying to teach you that it's not going to be that way anymore-so her boundary clearly stated at least for this weekend is NO EMAILS. Like maybe she's just trying to say "Hey Chopin, I did that for you, but now let me show you a middle ground on boundaries" I dont't know... It's just my thoughts. Sorry your hurt. Process here at PC. Just type emails and save them as drafts and print them out for session-but don't send her anything until you can clear this up next session-
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I'm not sending her s**t!! Thanks for thinking I'm not pathetic and worth it, TTGB!
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Originally Posted by hankster
Yo! (which means young'un) - I DO read everything you write. I just still don't get how you would KNOW ahead of time that you would need to write an email. And therefore, I AM saying that yes, it is not a good use of a T's time to have them read a list of your friends' names who are out of town.
The - rather, "a" - woman who fired me, wrote a document copied out of a manual of HOW to write a computer spec, instead of actually writing the user requirements. She kept her job because she was shtupping the VP. So until I get a Pulitzer for my writing, I think notes to T's should be short.
Don't give me this 'why does she put up with me" - now you sound like MY mother! That's not good!
Lots of good advice from the masses here. And hey, what are we, chopped liver? You can't write to us?
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I was asking for permission in case. I'm getting really borderline with T...I love her, I hate her. I hate being so freaking screwed up!
Oh, I'll write here...and probably go overboard again! And dammit...I was so p****d I left people's names in my post. Crap.
Thanks Hankster!