asperger's rely on routines to make sense of things, they do not like change in routine. insignificant changes to you will turn her whole world upside down even down to the clip she usually wears on thursdays being used on a tuesday is enough to unsettle her whole perspective of everything. asperger's are often very high functioning in certain things. find out what her favourite foods/activities are and what her routine is at her fathers from the getting up /dressed routine to what she does on each of the different days of the week, try to keep the foods and routines as near as possible the same. this will give her some sense of security/normality. where her routine is giong to be different, you need to prepare her by introducing the ideas now when you talk to her, start with planting the idea that when she comes to stay with you she will not be going to school, then next time reaffirm this, the next time reaffirm again and ask her to think about what she wants to do instead of going to school, keep broaching this every time you talk to her, planting seeds towards the things you want to do with her, when she has accepted the no school and doing different things you can discuss in detail an outing or visit or visitor you plan to do/meet with her.keep reaffirmig. by doing all this pre planning she will be more accepting of the change when the time comes.
when the time comes for each change you can prepare her by saying do you remember when we talked on the phone i said when you come to visit ........would happen well that is what is going to happen today, re explain the details of things like the journey you will take, the person you will meet or the foods you are going to buy etc before you set off so she knows what to expect.
she may have watched so much aname because this was something she associated with what she did at home - part of her home routine,something she has worked out how to react to. everything else was alien to her so she did not have the mechanisms in place to know what to do or how to behave. you need to explain everything to her from what you want her to do to what you are going to do. do not force her, but do put strong boundries in place. full time aname is not good for either of you, so in your calls set some seeds to the daily routine to include aname time only after supper for example. gradually over time she will start to interact.
another good thing is to make a time line this can be pictorial or written depending on her ability
draw a line along a piece of paper, start at the left side, put the time you want her to get up under the line and above it write/draw a picture to say get up then put the next time as 10 minutes later and either bath, get dressed or breakfast in the kitchen, you may need to be more specific and put what she is going to have for breakfast do this for every event during the day till go to sleep. keep it in sight of a clock so you can refer to the time and what is supposed to be happening at each time this is her 'routine for the day' as one event passes, cross it out together or put a big tick through it and explain that the time has passed for that activity and explain the next thing on the time line so it is clear her day has moved on to the next thing along the line and to reaffirm to her what to expect for the next however long..every evening sit together and make one for the next day explaining it as you go so there are no supprises for her the following day. as she gets used to referring to it she will be less likely to be stressed out and more relaxed and open to interact /communicate with you.
do not try to pack her days with stuff, plan in times for her to relax and do what she wants, drawing, tv, computer games etc. asperger's use a lot of energy just making sense of the world/routines, other people etc so often get overwhelmed by unprocessed stuff they have not made sense of yet or tired from all that processing. time out to relax/be themselves gives them time to process the unprocessed stuff that they have lingering from earlier and regain some energy for later activities.
good luck