I've been stuck in limbo for a year or two.
I don't feel much most of the time, I don't form my crazy dependent attachments anymore, act impulsively, nothing. I know it's a defense mechanism, but I've put my life on stall and it's just because I'm so scared of risks and consequences and being hurt (Oh wow, how cliche!)
I mean, I still have those borderline sensibilities that make me wounded and irritated and guilty at the slightest thing, but most of the time, I just don't feel anything, I don't feel enough.
I don't have close relationships anymore (I refuse to), with friends or, god forbid, partners. And it's not because of lack of offers, they flow in, in fact, because I don't want them. I haven't even self harmed in months, I just stay in bed, on my pc.
It's sad when you're 18.
Also, I don't think I'm depressed, or at least not very, I still can go out and I still can have fun. It's just I've wrapped myself in layers and layers of protections and now I can't hear the outside anymore.

Any thoughts?
Should I get out of limbo? Should I stay? How do I leave?


There must have been a door here in the wall, when I came in.