A few weeks ago, due to budding symptoms, and it's running heavily in my family, I became very paranoid that I was developing type 2 diabetes.

I went to the doctor and they said blood-work would have to be done.
With my lack of knowledge as to exactly what that entailed, I asked if I would have to have an IV (in my mind, that was any needle left to sit in my arm for an extended amount of time, of course I know now this isn't what an Iv is so), the doctor laughed and said no.

"It'll just be a prick"

It wasn't until the Day my blood-work was done that I realized it wasn't going to be a prick on my finger with excessive squeezing to get the blood (cal me ignorant if you must)

I freaked out. Badly. I was sobbing in the office. Squirming. I wanted nothing less than to have that thing sitting under my skin as blood drained into a vial.
But i needed to have it done.. because if I had diabetes...
..

However,

Yesterday I got my bloodwork results.
The results came back all normal, except for one area.
This meant of course that I did not have diabetes, something I didn't even have the opportunity to sigh in relief over before I was hit with the bomb I'm now facing.

I have high levels of calcium in my blood.
High calcium in the blood is Never natural, and in 99.5% (sometimes estimated even higher) of cases, high blood calcium indicates hyperparathyroidism.

(the alternatives are actually worse but I won't let myself worry about those yet since the percentage chance that I have them is so small)

Hyperparathyroidism is basically the growth of one parathyroid gland in a person's neck into a benign tumor.

The only way to treat or cure hyperthyroidism is through surgery.

Surgery in and of itself scares me on a level almost incomprehensible.

Consenting to surgery is me, putting my life into another person's care as they unnaturally alter my body in hopes of improving it.

Hopes I say with reason.

Hyperparathyroidism can cause lethargy, feeling simply "bad" or "old", a lack of motivation, depression, osteoporosis, bone pain, insomnia or disturbed sleep, irritability, heartburn, a decrease in sex drive, kidney stones, recurrent headaches, high blood pressure, heart palpitations, and atrial fibrillation.

I have several of these symptoms, and surgery has been said to help fix these problems "nearly instantly"

The idea that my depression, lack of motivation, headaches, insomnia, bone pain, irritability and decreased sex drive could all be fixed in a surgery that would take less than 20 minutes (assuming I can get the correct kind, which is another matter altogether) is astounding.. and seems much too good to be true.
Except that is requires Surgery..

Without surgery, this disease will Never heal or improve on it's own.
...

I couldn't help it.
When I learned about this; I looked up a video of the surgery.
I wanted to throw up.
The idea of someone cutting into me... cauterizing parts of my neck on the inside to prevent bleeding, possibly Badly damaging my vocal chords, and within such a close proximity of my jugular vein... has me utterly terrified.

In addition to this, the surgery Always, leaves a scar on the front of your neck. Obviously this portion is my vanity speaking but I loathe the idea of having a flat scar in front my neck for all the world to see.

So I'm stuck in a place where i have to put my fears first of needles and surgery, then of losing my voice and possible damage otherwise to my throat, in addition to a scar across the front of my neck and the knowledge that If I do not have surgery the symptoms will only get worse and that I Will develop osteoporosis .... against happiness..

I know how obvious this decision may seems to anyone without the terror I face with needles alone much less surgery...

But I really... don't know what to do.


P.S. There are two basic surgeries available for hyperparathyroidism.
The surgery I would hope to have.. and in fact the only one I will consider is the MIRP surgery done by a surgeon who does this type of thing at least once a week. All the statistics show that going about it the old fashioned way (which leaves a scar of 8 inches as opposed to 1 inch) has a lessened success rate, and that that rate is also Dramatically decreased when the operation is preformed by someone who does not perform this type of surgery at Least once a week.
Ideally, I would like to have the experts in Tampa do the surgery..

The fears I have mentioned before are with thought to these experts work though...
without an expert there is No way I would allow myself under anesthesia with a blade to my neck. My fears multiply excessively if I give thought to that scenario.

I have no funds of my own however.. and my mother would prefer to have a local doctor, who more likely than not, Will use the old method, because of distance (though I live in southern Louisiana so Florida isn't Excessively far off) and because of cost.

So the risk of the surgery increases Dramatically...

I've never felt so torn. I'm terrified. Utterly terrified of this surgery.. but I've wanted to feel better for years and this solution seems so simple.. so unrealistically easy a way to improve my health and mind..
if it only weren't surgery but some pills or ointment or even a shot (though I'd still be fighting fear there, I at least would not be unconscious)... anything.. I'd have agreed in a heartbeat..

but I don't know what to do.