Ever feel like crying for absolutely no reason?
I work third shift and while sleeping today [my only 7-8 hours I have time for] I woke up every single hour on the hour. Then my cat woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off nudging me in the face with a wet nose because she decided it was attention time. I was fine though.. until I started going through the everyday routine of trying to figure what the hell to make the family for dinner. Must be according to diet, but nutritious and filling. All I have to work with is a pound of chopmeat. Found a delicious recipe in my cookbook... no eggs. Maybe shepard's pie.. no corn. Maybe hamburgers.. no buns or tomatoes. Everything I thought of had something missing. Because I didn't plan this week's meals out like I usually do. I don't live close enough to the store to get ingredients and cook the meal and take a shower and pack my lunch and have time to eat in the hour and half I have left before having to get in the car and drive an hour to work. To work for twelve hours from 7p to 7a. For the third night in a row. Now dread is coming over me as I realize I still have two more nights left. I hate planning meals. I hate missing ingredients. I hate being hungry with no clue what to eat. I hate being the only person that has the sense to pre-think these things but one week I let it slip. I hate work. hate working 4 nights in a row. At this point I am pissed and hating everything. I called my fiance on the phone and *****ed about dinner. He came home and made hamburger helper while I was taking a shower. Nice of him though... at least we had dinner on time. But... while he was standing in the kitchen.. I was ready to let my bottled up feelings out. And the poor guy is just standing there... in my head.. waiting for it. SO I unloaded on hm, got mad at him, blamed him for being too involved in his job to help me keep track of little details. I am overwhelmed, etc, etc.
This happens once a month. It really does. I handle stress well [up until now because I know I can't drink anymore though] but once a month I take one day and put it all on his shoulders. [not intentionally... it just HAPPENS] Then a few hours later after being at work or during my one hour drive I call him up and apologize for being cranky. He says 'I know' because he is used to it. He expects it now, because that is how many times I have done it. I take it out on him then feel bad an hour later.
Right now I am stuck at work 7 more hours. Then 12 more hours tomorrow. I want a break. I want space. I want to relax. I want to be alone. I want out of this ****ing job. I want a god damn beer for $#@! sake.
It could be the Maxalt talking I took for a migraine an hour ago, but I honestly just want to cry right now. In fact I have been holding tears back and every few minutes my eyes water up and are ready to explode.
Now I have dumped on the PC community.. can someone please just slap me out of this? Or can someone please tell me they have times like this??