Thank you for all the replies, they've been really helpful. I'm glad some people can relate. It feels really nice that T rang me but it's almost too nice in the sense I'm really scared of depending on it, or even getting used to it. It happened in the past - someone offered me something after a lonely, barren childhood - and of course I grabbed it with both hands and refused to let go until they pushed me away. I can't let that happen again.

I feel so bad today that I don't know how to cope. I want to ring T but scared in case her offer wasn't real, that perhaps she was saying it in the hope I wouldn't ring because the knowledge I could would be enough. It doesn't feel like it is.

How can I like her calling or her care and concern when it won't last? I feel so sick about it all. I want to trust it/her...I just don't know how far it can go.