"I say to her that I can't stand to be alone, wail (privately) that I'm all alone, then tell her I don't want or need people, I just want to learn how to be alone with myself and feel good and content."

WOW....This is exactly what I am going through now....and I am concerned that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Sometimes it takes a bit of work in order to become aware of what we really want.

In the statement I quoted above....I was in T the other day saying pretty much this same thing....and what really came out of it is that I am scared to death of taking the steps towards not being alone because of X, Y, Z (specific fears).

T and I have had several ruptures over the years....one time, he basically called me "dumb" as I was leaving my session - and I called him on it at the start of my next session....another time, he told me - flat out - that he was unhappy with me because of my behavior and we worked through it....I have found that although it was terrible to have to navigate through it, it was an incredible learning experience - especially in the context of a therapy relationship where it can be explored in real-time.